bleh

Lord, I've been hit with a great big melancholy and I wonder if it'll ever go away. Yeah, I know - it will. But right now I just want to let it drag me down. Too much time to think is what it is. Too much work on my desk and no desire to do it. Work sucks.

And I'm still not sure I know what love is. I know about expectations and "issues," but what's there behind all of that? Are we just lazy? When the work becomes too much - is that when we bail? Are our expectations too high? What is it that we want, anyway? Well, I know what I want - or I think I do.

I seem to be participating in this big relationship cycle (and, well, I guess we all are, but who else sees it?) and I keep running into the same people and sometimes I'm them or they're me (or what I was or what I will be the next time) and whyyy (she whines loudly)?!? I don't think my grandmother fretted over any of this.

And so we go right back to the Nanny Plan. Maybe that's what it's all about - gardening, cooking, and the crossword. You know, Nanny came to me in a dream once. She didn't say anything, and it was a long time ago. Hey Nanny! Come back! Tell me your secret.

new song! new song!

Ok, well, I hope it's a new song. It's not done yet, but I'm almost there. The lyrics (for now) are posted on the Salon.

Too damn much going on. I've got a couple of websites to build, so the luxury of blogging has to wait for now.

Later!

for understanding

I love this site. Of course I have you going to the Pisces page. To understand everyone else, first you should understand me. Just kidding.

centerpiece

Lara and Janelle came over Monday night. Lara - who's paintings you can see on the GP Salon - came to work on my bathroom, which is going to be, as someone said to me, the centerpiece of the house. Yeah. It'll be such a cool space that all the guests at my parties (because I have so many) will congregate in there. Maybe I could chill the drinks in the tub ala Barry Pinlac Memphis State dorm room party. Having such a room seems kinda crazy if you know me and if you've seen my little, verging on decrepit, painted all white ranch house and my teeny-tiny bathroom.

Anyway, aren't friends cool? I wouldn't give 'em up for anything. Janelle and I hung out and entertained Lara while she painted. Shelby came home from a grueling day of hanging out at Hyperion and joined us. Well, she entertained us with her ranting and then she forced us to look at old family pictures. It was a little crowded - I ended up sitting in the bathtub - and I regret not getting a picture of us all, though I did get some individual shots with my phone (I can send pix txts now!!) and so, here they are.

Coming soon...Lara's painting of me (and Janelle, and Ruth, and a bunch of other women - yeah, the Salon is about to get verrry interesting)!

What is love?

Does anybody know?

weedeating and everything else

Labored tonight and I'm spent. My arms are shaking and I'm out of breath...compost tea is splattered on my shirt - dark as old blood and a long scratch from a run-in with a blackberry bush runs up my arm. Even my fingernails hurt. This is harder than I thought...and when the main chore is done, there is still work. Still I carry my tools - which seem much heavier now - back to the shed and put them away, then lean over the dirty bathtub and clean it, so that I can soak in salt water and heal. My breath heavy from exertion and my body weak, I sink into the hot brine and exhale. And soak. My wounds shrink a little... my pain eases in the heat and magnesium. Post-bath I'm still shaky. I need some restorative, deep sleep.

I've never worked so hard.

All I Want (is you)

Tim G and me at Fork it Over. Rockin'.

what?!?

Does no one play badminton anymore? It's no great tragedy, but I'm changing my stage setting from fun and goofy to plain and "fancy" because the only furniture/lawn party props I've been offered are wicker chairs, a small table, and sand (for big buckets that would've held tiki torches, which I won't be using because torches in buckets just aren't fancy, you know).

Like I said, I'm not complaining. I said that, didn't I?

I'm very grateful to those who offered what they offered, but feel the need to remedy this problem of a lack of lawn games. Maybe I'll set out a tip jar tomorrow night and try to raise money for a badminton set, then have a lawn party here at the house, complete with games. Hmmm....not just badminton, but the other games we used to play outside. Remember, um....like Swing the Statue and what was that game with the flashlight? Eh, but now I'm on a whole 'nother subject, aren't I?

Whatever. Come to the show and bring your best Swing the Statue face. And if you happen to have a badminton set, or a flashlight, bring it too.